1. |
Papercup
03:26
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I’ll be honest
I promised to be
so yes I dodged your questions for weeks
but past is the past!
I’m over all that,
and now I’m taking every step to come clean
that’s how I wore out
my favorite shoes
some kid once told me I could make those into flower pots
but they took up space
so I threw them away
I don’t “get” flowers, anyway
so drenched in sweat,
is it this guilty complex?
No–no, I just sat in the sun too long
keep me wedged in this doorway
I’ll scan the weather updates
for the day I move on
cause I die
everytime it rains
I’m a papercup, it’s the only way
I get filled up
use me once, that’s more than enough
take me, dear, to that garbage dump
cause I can’t take another minute,
I got nothing left to give this
my facet, it constantly drips, drips, drips
and i take it and take it and take it
cause I’ve got a knack for being helpless,
and I’m a gooood good liar, watch!
“I’m trying to be better!”
still, I can’t escape your sweetheart words,
a bellman watching me get worse
my life’s at a white board,
I write over and over:
“This one’s a failure–it had to be.”
I’ve died
every fucking day
just a papercup, for the love of god,
when can I give up?
where’s my hard earned accolades?
honey, I was born to disintegrate
and I can’t take another minute,
I got nothing left to give this
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2. |
Cherry Picker
04:12
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What if she’d said “it was me
you wore that pretty lipstick for?”
and I could’ve painted her red and said,
“I’ll be yours, instead”.
Well, I knew better than to speak–
had to stare at the concrete.
That grin in her eyes, it’s something divine,
and I’d tell her what I think:
they didn’t love you right
they didn’t love you right
they didn’t love you right
babe, is that what you like?
It’s hard to cough up that sour stuff
when you’re still coloring my blush
it’s hard to explain I spent everyday
cherry picking my words so you don’t get enough
but there you are, his prayers in your arms
that sugary blight seeps through your skin
they’re just desserts, I won’t watch you hurt
can’t put you through that again
‘cause they didn’t love you right
they didn’t love you right
they didn’t love you right
babe, is that what you like?
So, tell me about this new one who tastes so pink
and I won’t tell you what I think
I’ll hold these lines for you, everytime
I’ll hold it until it breaks me
‘cause you didn’t love me right
you didn’t love me right
you didn’t love me right
you didn’t even try
you didn’t love me right
you didn’t love me right
You didn’t love me, right?
‘cause I’ll choose you, everytime
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3. |
creek 232
04:11
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I wish that I could sit by my creek bed again
I know that sounds childish, if only I savored it then
when you still adored me, and I had my own woods to roam
now you look right through me,
it’s not your fault, I’m just not home.
I couldn’t bare it, I pocketed my houses
and cut all my ties to your hands
a body that crumbles on me,
I dropped my own head
nothing left to grasp at, my wrists still pivot,
I lie awake, clutching those threads
‘cause I can’t withstand it,
no, Nothing withstands the gravity of the world I’d see
in my little creek bed
some nights I wander, and I find myself alone
tossing houses in,
some bold attempt to let go
they sink like stones
and the river pulls me in
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4. |
Callie
05:47
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driving past the foreclosed farms,
she grips the wheel so tightly
“why’d you go name something
you can’t worry on?”
So, I worried about
every single thing I’d see
somehow I knew they’d like it
if I gave them one.
If you care for everything,
your losses add up quickly
Most days I just step outside
and pick something to grieve.
I know, I know, I know,
my stomach’s still in shambles
asphalt in my throat, that bitter road I couldn’t swallow
had I just been different
I could’ve been your difference
lucky kids like me, we’re god damn useless
that story’s finally realized,
I failed you I suppose
I was stiff as old spirits and I
watched your cassettes corrode
that static image blurs,
I drink it in when things get worse
and I make up my own pictures of
some summer where my shit’s together
and there’s the room where I love you,
you’re safe inside, lavender’s blue.
I’m the gallant blanket of sunrise,
I’m not afraid to lose.
so I wait at your porch steps,
and I sink in the pavement,
and it remains my secret
Love, my love could never save you.
so what now? What is enough?
was it all cupboard love?
I’m greeting street posts “IF FOUND, PLEASE CALL”s
with a strangely guilty conscious
I’m sorry for this
I’m sorry for this
and then I’ll go to work
‘cause I know nothing hurts
no, nothing hurts
it’s fine.
it’s fine.
I know my role right.
be kind.
be fine.
I’ve known the whole time.
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5. |
The Tower, inverted
06:36
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why were you so kind to me?
I’m up for hours just considering that
shouldn’t you make room?
for something you’d rather have?
March, it’s just begun
the snow slips from the trees
and I eye it like a wilting sleeve.
dressed up in chiffon,
I’m like those dried up leaves,
still clinging to your seams.
oh, go drop my hand,
ditch me for that glistening green
I could never complete
she’s the most darling scene
let me take it gracefully.
I hate it when your kind to me
have you considered that?
no matter what you do, or say, or waste away
every single day is a mess I’ve made
there’s no gentle way to put it,
it’s me, in me, an undeniable itch
go find a wishing well,
shower it in dimes, flowers,
whatever makes you feel something
it’ll leave them where they fell
and you’ll see magic isn’t real
letting you down is all too easy
leave me in my tower,
like you never found me
I promise, I won’t say a thing
I’ll be in this attic,
someday I’ll learn to face it
that empty space you would’ve fit
and I’ll clasp my hands tight over it
it’ll crackle, my how long’s it been
old letters fade in heart shaped tins,
“let’s feel better about this”
I’ll bring it to my shaking lips
it’ll smell like June and charm bracelets
if it meant a thing, I’d promise this:
we’ll feel better about this.
I’m your wishing well,
well, throw in your towel
‘cause letting you down is my thing, baby
I’ll leave your love where it fell
watch it shine, and writhe, and swell
I’ve no choice but to crave that feeling
of every word you held,
they’ll ring and ring like bells,
and I’ll remember it well,
the way it could’ve been.
down the hall it hangs,
in an ornate frame,
so I can walk past each day,
and feel, again,
that ache.
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6. |
Wishes
02:16
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at the start I fell for the stars
sparkling in that classroom’s fluorescent stage
concussed and vague, I held his hand
felt pink for days
who knew how soon those lights would fade.
I was young, that was easy enough
I’m lucky when the sunbeams kiss the dash a lovely way
but I caught your eye in that gray mundane,
and those sparkling lights are here again.
can this matter in the end?
the end’s a wish some other fool will spend
so, can I watch you glowing
like the nostalgia I’m chasing?
‘cause that’s enough for me.
we’ll be soft and tame and sweet.
we’re soft, and tame, and sweet.
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